Do You Need an Attitude Adjustment?
Hi there,
 I hate to say it, but a lot of adults with ADD and ADHD have an attitude problem. Many of us are negative thinkers with low self-esteem.
It’s understandable; life with ADD can have us feeling bad for being so “different” from everyone else. And we feel worse when we try to improve our lives using the wrong systems. Mainstream advice doesn’t account for the unique wiring of ADD brains, and when this advice fails, we feel like we’ve failed. It chips away at our self-esteem.
As a result, many people with ADD grow up to be BMWs—people who constantly B*tch, Moan, and Whine! This is one of the reasons that adults with ADD often have trouble making new friends and maintaining relationships. It’s also why so many of us struggle to get along with our family members, coworkers, and neighbors.
No one likes to hang out with a BMW. Their constant brooding, complaining, and finding fault can quickly bring a happy person down or zap that person’s energy. Simply put, BMWs are a drag!
If you are a BMW, then don’t fret. With a little work, you can adjust your attitude and improve your social skills. Here are three practical things you can do right away to overcome being a BMW.
1. Accept compliments with grace and gratitude—even if you don’t agree with them.
If you’re a BMW, then chances are that your self-esteem can use a pick-me-up. Accepting the compliments that are paid to you will go a long way in helping you feel better about yourself.
You’ll find that most people genuinely mean what they say. If your friend says she likes your haircut, believe it! If you argue with her compliment by disagreeing and saying something like “This is the worst haircut I’ve ever had!”, then you’re essentially telling your friend that her opinion is wrong.
2. Avoid putting yourself down, especially in front of others.
People often view self-deprecation as “fishing for compliments” and feel a responsibility to lift you up and make you feel better. After a while, this becomes annoying, and you can easily lose friends who might view you as high maintenance.
There’s a big difference between expressing your challenges, and putting yourself down for them. It’s perfectly okay to say “I would have liked to have this project finished before the weekend, but unfortunately I didn't have enough time.” In contrast, a BMW might say something like “I’m such an idiot! Why does this always happen to me? No matter what I do I can never get it together!”
3. Surround yourself with positive, happy people.
One of the easiest ways to adjust your attitude is to surround yourself with people worth emulating. When you choose to spend time with other BMWs, you’re choosing to be a BMW.
Make a concerted effort to ditch the BMW within, and then invite a pleasant coworker to join you for coffee, take a walk with a friendly neighbor, or reconnect with a supportive friend. You’ll absorb the positive energy of these good influences. And positive, happy people will be much more understanding when you do find yourself running late for lunch or forgetting a birthday!
When you adjust your attitude by increasing your self-esteem and adopting a more positive perspective, you’ll find that you have an easier time creating and maintaining social connections. People will enjoy spending time with the real you, and you’ll feel better about yourself, too!
Do you need an attitude adjustment? If you think the answer might be yes, then I encourage you to consider joining us for the 3rd Annual Virtual AD/HD Conference in October. The challenges I mentioned above are quite common among adults with ADD, and will be covered in great detail at the conference.
Some of the sessions at this year's conference that can help you move beyond life as a BMW include:
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Change Your Perspective for Success with AD/HD with Patricia Quinn, MD
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Deepening Social Connections with Becca Colao, MA, SCAC
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Mindfulness-Based Interventions in AD/HD Care with Mark Bertin, MD
- The Power of the Pause: The Difference Between Reacting Impulsively and Responding Rationally with David Giwerc, MCC
You can check out the full conference agenda at http://www.adhdconference.com/agenda.shtml for detailed information on these sessions, and the others.
The Virtual AD/HD Conference is a huge, international event that allows you to interact with the experts in AD/HD, get your questions answered, connect with the community, and get the tools and resources that you and your family need to succeed. And the best part is that you don't have to leave home to do it!
My team and I spend 8 months out of the year working on this conference to make it a stellar experience for all involved. Won't you consider joining us?
Visit http://ADHDconference.com to register or learn more!
Enjoy the rest of your summer!
P.S. Are you a BMW? How will you apply the tips above to your life? Tell us about your experience on my blog at http://www.experiencingaddvantages.com/2010/08/attitude-adjustment.html#comments!
P.P.S. Don't forget to check out the 3rd Annual Virtual AD/HD Conference website at http://ADHDconference.com!
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